Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Love is when!

Valentine's Day - a day of cliches, a day of heart-shaped things, a day for flowers, a day when everything is red and pink, a day to signify love. But, what really is love? Can love and its expression really be contained within just a day? It is something that occupies a large part of the heart and a large part of your life. How can you just expect it to last one day? And I have realized that nothing could be more wrong than the filmy portrayal of love. Here are some sides to it that have been completely misconstrued.

1. Love is not saying "I love you" 100 times a day

Wow!!! If someone really did that, I don't know how many of us could actually take it. A little too much of anything is hard to handle. Would it sound convincing every time, and would it still be as important? The bigger issue here is you don't always need words to show how you feel. There is nothing wrong about expressing your love in words. But, in real life, actions mean a lot more than words, sometimes. It is the small things of daily life that make a relationship special. Love is when, your partner knows you will be late from work, and is ready with dinner for you. It is knowing when one of you needs a coffee and a great talk about real things that matter. It is about sleeping through a movie, but still agreeing to watch it again, because your partner loves it. Love is when obsessive people, like me, panic over one lost spoon at 1 a.m. and when my husband still calms me down and helps me look for it.

2. Love is not just about you and me

It is the fault of rosy love stories that people believe their love is independent of external factors. It is not just about the two people. It is about her family, his family, her friends, his friends, her workplace, his workplace. No matter how good the two people are with each other, these factors play an important part. Love is when, you can understand the difference, identify the importance of these factors in each other's lives, and still be there for each other. From just you and me, it soon transforms into one huge, intertwined family, where every issue becomes not mine, not yours, but ours. Love is when, your partner becomes your strength to handle these pressures; it is also when you start appreciating the support of your partner.

3. Love is not looking into each other's eyes for hours

In real life, when you have ten agendas on your mind, nobody spends hours looking into each other's eyes. Again, a false illusion propagated by unrealistic cinema, there is no such thing as "losing oneself in the other person's eyes". What is more true, is looking into the other person's eyes and knowing what they are thinking. Once you have been with a person long enough, you know the eyes are a mirror of their thoughts. Love is when you can see the dreams in your partner's eyes and be a part of them. It is when you can go beyond the eyes and share thoughts and plans. It is that beautiful moment when planning every little action becomes a wonderful moment of togetherness.

4. Love is not about 'not having to say sorry'

This really needs to be cleared up. Whoever said that love does not require saying sorry or thank you was so so wrong. Like any other normal relationship, there is real hurt and real feelings involved, unlike the magical feelings that never get hurt in story books and movies. Being with a person all the time, there are bound to be times when you are insensitive and mean. That cannot be avoided and neither does it mean there is no love. Because love is about realizing that your actions hurt the other person, and being sorry for it. Love is when you set aside your ego, and admit your mistakes. It is when you make that extra effort to convey your guilt and to set things right.

5. Love is not the sound of sweet words

Now, if anybody were to listen outside the door of a married couple, there might be times when you hear such words that you would take them to be nothing but enemies. Love is not about sweet-nothings and pleasant words all the time. It is a real world, with real-life tensions and annoyances. So, it is natural to have outbursts once in a while. Love is when you can ignore that and laugh at it later on. It is when you can accept the silliness of fighting over things that are insignificant. It is when you can see that yelling at complete strangers is not an option, so getting annoyed with your closest confidante is what you are left with. It is when you feel comfortable being your partner's punching bag.

6. Love is not about going overboard

Like it happens on Valentine's Day, it is not about getting expensive gifts, giant size teddy bears, balloons and flashy stuff. Although, I will admit that most girls, including me, are suckers for flowers and chocolates; it feels good once in a while, but the fact remains, that a teddy bear and flowers cannot replace a real person. Heart-shaped balloons cannot give you what a hug does. Sometimes, a reassuring hug is all you need. Love is when you find solace in holding your partner's hand. It is when the warmth fills you with happiness that no flower could bring. It is the sweetness that comes with the calming words of your partner, that no chocolate factory has yet managed to forge into a chocolate.

7. Love is not about spending every single moment with each other

Okay, this one, it is actually the opposite. The more time you spend together, more the chances of getting on each other's nerves :) It is very important that both partners spend some time apart and have some 'me' time. If you are fulfilled within, it is more likely that you will spend quality time with your partner. Love is not about tagging along with your partner everywhere. Love is when you can find happiness even if you are together for a little while. It could just be a phone call to check how your partner is doing. It is when at the end of a tiring work day, you can still cuddle up and watch your favorite TV show. It is when you can share so many stories, even as both of you are trying to make a decent dinner. It is when at the end of the day, you can appreciate the other person, for who they are!

For so many dull and boring, but sweet moments, one day is not enough. You need a lifetime of celebration to be able to enjoy these little joys. Those small acts of love, that show how much you care. The Everyday kind of Love is when you can see these joys, cherish them and acknowledge the efforts of the one who gives you this joy, every day, for years!

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  1. Dear Amruta,

    Really really nice pictures, supporting each of the points... The potatoes asking about the eyes one is awesome!!!

    Loved the flow of the article, and well written... Each point is perfect at its position, and also comes with a very good explanation (and mostly humorous)... I think you should get this one published. People would definitely enjoy reading it.

    Well done!


  2. Beautifully written! :) Loved the pictures that go along with each point! I agree, Valentine's Day or for that matter any kind of day like Mother's or Father's Day or Women's Day are not days that should be restricted to once a year. Its an every-moment thing. Its like saying "Lets not bribe or be corrupt one day of the year but do all you want the remaining days". It doesn't work like that. Once a year dates are only for anniversaries and birthdays. For everything else, its an everyday process, a part of our life.

    LOL looking for lost spoons at 1 AM? Really?

  3. Thank you Rahul, appreciate your encouraging comments!

  4. Hello Amruta,

    A very curious article you made there on the relevance of Valentines day with some valid points..I believe, you have bulletted those points one by one, based on what we see as forwards through the social networking sites. I also was chanced to some prominent persons starting from young politicians to film artists regarding what they thought about valentines day. Everyone had different opinions. Some supported it, and some opposed it..But no one liked the large scale commercialisation of love..

  5. At times when u get this very big pleasant smile while reading something. i guess u don't need to mention it what it meant for u. ur smile says evrything such was the impact of this article :-)

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