The Tattered Shoe

The following post is a work of fiction, revolving around the picture below.

The world looked so different today, sitting atop his father's shoulders. There was an unknown warmth inside him, a flicker of hope and he was not even sure why. Even with the billowing smoke behind them, Aalim was calm, he felt protected and kept pondering over the reason for this sudden trip. He knew he was supposed to be happy because his father seemed at peace and he was seeing a smile on his father's face after a long, long time. 

Aalim knew if his father was happy, there was something on the other side, that was more welcoming than the bleat of their herd of sheep, their only family. He and his father had been walking for about an hour and he had seen a lot of other people too, hiking the cold mountain with their children. Wherever this place was, it must be a safe haven. Otherwise, the Afghan parents would never let their kids out on the mountains, which was open ground for violence. Aalim had been perched on his father's shoulders for about an hour and was now getting very curious as to why so much effort was being put into reaching this place. You see, Aalim was the kind of child who was demure, yet intelligent. He would get curious, but would find answers himself. He did not like to question anybody, especially his father, whom he trusted more than anything. So he kept designing images in his head, of what would be on the other side of this mountain. 

Maybe it was an Ice-Cream shop, he had heard about it from some of the American soldiers, and from what they said, it must be a delicious treat. Or maybe, there was going to be one of those things that flew in the sky like a bird, and people could travel from one place to another in it. He had always seen planes in the sky, and had been told it was a bad omen, since they were almost always followed by a string of explosions somewhere. But, he had heard these planes could take you to far off places, where you could see big buildings, lights, and the warmth of heaters. But, his father had left behind their sheep; he would never move to a new place, without their family, their sheep. So what could be on the other side that was worth all this trouble? Was he going to find a new family, a mother, a sister, grandparents? He had heard of these family members, but never experienced that bond. Was his father taking him to see the Circus, or the Zoo; he had seen pictures of these places in the letters written to an American Soldier. The soldier had pointed out the pictures made by his son, describing the things he had seen that summer. 

Aalim belonged to the region of Jalalkot, in Afghanistan; a region that had been ravaged during the conflicts between the American forces and the Taliban. This war had gone on for such a long time; since the time he was 3; that he wasn't sure what home meant. Right now they lived in bunkers, and would be moved around depending on the threat to that area. He wasn't sure what the war was about, but he had been told the Americans were looking for a very dangerous man. He had also been told by many that the Americans were the ones who were dangerous. They had the big weapons, and bombs that would hurt people. Aalim was too young to understand the undercurrents to the different sides of the story. It was his father, who had taught him though, not to judge any one. "It is the side that you view it from, that defines whether someone is good or bad"; said Aalim's father, Akhdan. 

Photo Credit: Gazing at the flag

Akhdan was a very sensible, and unbiased man. He was industrious and righteous. As long as his family's needs were being met, he did not indulge in conflicts, and was in general, a happy man. Even though, he had lost a lot in this war, his wife and daughter, his parents, his house; he was glad he had his son and a decent meal. The benevolent person that he was, he would even share his possessions, with others in need. It was under Akhdan's support then, that Aalim became friendly with the soldiers keeping guard in Jalalkot.  It was weird that people thought these soldiers were scary, but it was these soldiers who would share their food treats, something very tasty called 'Cheese Crackers', it was also they who played catch with the little kids around. The thing is, for everybody stuck in those bunkers, it was these lighter moments to keep them human. With the sound of explosions, panic and painful screams, it was difficult to maintain sanity and not be pulled down by the dark side of human nature. So, the soldiers too did not mind the welcome breaks. 

A friendship with the soldiers meant, taking a peek in their lives and finding how life could be different for different people. Some of the amiable soldiers shared their letters and showed family pictures to Aalim. It was strange how they would communicate across a language barrier, using sign language and expressions. But, soon Aalim was learning things he would never have known, had he not befriended these visitors. He started gaining knowledge about simple things like a Circus, a Zoo, a Library and a School. And then went on to more complicated things like iPODs, computers and what not. He had never seen any of these things in Jalalkot. There used to be a small school 15 miles away from Jalalkot, but that too had fallen to the perils of war. He had been hoping he would go to that school when he grew up. But he wasn't so sure of that anymore. Based on what he was being told by the soldiers, he started imagining school; lots of colorful toys, beautiful books with pictures of animals, songs about the moon, the sky and the trees. That was the best he could do, imagine and feel like he was there.

And that was what he was doing even today, imagining what it would be like, in this special place his father was taking him to. When he had thought of all possible surprises, he suddenly popped a question to his father, "Abbu, it is a good surprise, right? It is not like you are going to leave me there with someone? That would be a really bad surprise". Akhdan smiled from ear to ear and said, "I am sure you will like this surprise. It will be fun for both of us. And yes, I would never think of leaving you".

"So, where is it that we are going? It has been such a long time, I think we are lost", said Aalim.

To which, his father said, "We are almost there, but you have to save all your energy for there. So try to be quiet for sometime, okay?".

Aalim thought finally the day had come for him to help his father. He wondered: "Father did say that I have to save up my energy, so I must have to help him with the farm and the sheep". Aalim had requested his father many times to let him work at the farm, but Akhdan insisted he was too young to work, this was the time for him to enjoy the wonders of life. And this was the time he could learn something from the books and stories of the soldiers. It took everything in Aalim to curb his curiosity, and then he heard something really cheerful. The sound of laughter, the sound of children running around with enthusiasm. What was it that made them so happy? He was so excited, trying to stretch himself enough to see what was happening; that he almost fell off from his look-out point.

As they approached the noise, Aalim came across a colorful play set, a red slide, a blue swing, green monkey bars. He had never been on any of those, but remembered seeing a picture in a book. As Akhdaan kept walking, Aalim excitedly asked him, "Please Abbu, tell me this is where we stop. Is this what we were coming for?". Akhdan nodded his head in assent, and Aalim had a grin as wide as the crescent moon. Akhdan added, "But this is not all. You are going to learn about the world, learn to count and add numbers, learn new songs about different places, and meet new friends. Do you want to do all that? Do you want to go to school?".

"Yes, yes, father, I have always wanted to do all this, maybe that American Grandfather with a long, white beard and red sack heard my wish and thought of letting me go to school", said Aalim. He was talking about Santa Claus, of course. The soldiers had told him about the legend of Santa Claus this last Christmas, mentioning that such a good boy would surely be rewarded by Santa. And like all young children, he had instantly believed in the miracle of wishing, and had done exactly what he was told. He had eagerly put his little, tattered shoe, out under the winter sky; that was the closest he had, to socks or stockings; left one Kebab beside the shoe, and made his wish, a wish to explore the world, write his own name, write letters like the ones the soldiers had, and be able to read the wonderful stories in the books, he had only relished by looking at the pictures. The next day he ran out to look at the shoe, but it was empty. Little as he was, he was not sure, how such a gift would fit inside a shoe. And he assumed that Santa had lost his way, trying to find the gift, but was sure that Santa would figure out a way to get his gift. He was running around that whole day, telling everybody about the Kebab that Santa had eaten and his gift that would soon arrive. All the soldiers were amused by this story, especially Sgt. Matt Bedford, the soldier who had shown him pictures of his children at the Zoo. He insisted Aalim should tell him what his wish was. And soon enough, Aalim blurted out that he wanted to go to school.

Aalim was right in thinking that Santa Claus had listened to his wish, because it was Sgt. Bedford who had revealed to Akhdan about the mini playschool-like unit the United Nations was trying to set up in Bilalkot, about an hour from their home in Jalalkot. Akhdan was thrilled to know that his son might actually be able to experience what school felt like. But it worried him that they might ask for money and he didn't have any to spare. With the bombings, his crops had suffered and he could see that the year would be difficult anyways, without even having to pay for school. "I don't think Aalim could go to school this year, maybe next year....", muttered Akhdan. Sgt. Bedford was quick to add, "No, no, don't worry, you will not need money. The United Nations is trying to train the men and women in your country to run a school and teach children. This is a project they are working on. So all children will be welcome". Akhdan could never forget that day.

Recollecting the events from that day, Akhdan thought to himself, "Today I will finally see Aalim embark on the journey he was meant to take". As Akhdan lowered Aalim from his shoulders, he had tears in his eyes, tears that had built up inside him since the day this inhumanity had started in his country, since his family had been wiped off, since the day he had started worrying about his son, Aalim's future. He contained the tears again somehow, and with misty eyes, spoke to his son, "This is where you become exactly like the other kids in the world. You will enjoy a childhood, play with toys, use the wings of your imagination to fly off to mystic places and come home with lots of stories". This is where Aalim would forget about the violence, the injustice, the prejudice of life. This is where he would enjoy the liberties only being a child can bestow one with. His thoughts could run free, he could ask questions, in no fear of punishment, he could find himself, he could experiment with his ideas, and most important, he could enjoy life's little pleasures. He would find friends, share dreams and hopes, be creative and portray a different character every day. He would learn that running always need not be out of fear; it could be out of joy, in exhilaration. And there were multitudes of discoveries he would make over the years, some about himself, some about human nature and some about life itself.

Akhdan was so overwhelmed by this momentous occasion that he forgot he was still holding tight to Aalim, who was jumping up and down with pleasure. He was brought back to reality by Aalim's shouts, "Abbu, Thank you, for bringing me here, but can I go, can I go?". Akhdan then loosened his hold on Aalim and walked him over to Sgt. Bedford, who was already waiting there to introduce Aalim to the teachers. Akhdan nudged Aalim and he blurted out, "Thank you, Uncle". Sgt. Bedford picked up Aalim and swung him around, to add with a smile,  "Now you too can draw pictures of all the new places that you will learn about at school. I will wait to hear your stories". The teachers enrolled Aalim and took him over to the meet-and-greet with the other kids. They ensured Akhdan of his son's safety and asked him to come back for Aalim in two hours.

Akhdan had nothing but gratitude for these noble men and women, who had helped all these troubled children find a ray of normalcy in these frightening times. Things had been getting better after the forces had decided to recede, and there were Social Organizations like these, trying to smooth out the process of resettling, for the natives. The Afghan administrators were being pursued to open up schools, recreation centers and playgrounds for kids. And lucky was Aalim, that he was sent here to the school. Life had changed for Aalim after starting school. He would smile more, talk more and ask questions too. He was no longer subdued and petrified; he no longer wanted to just help his Abbu in the farm; he wanted to be one of those men that would visit the moon. His eyes would twinkle with hope and aspiration. He was finally on the path, he was named to be on; the name Aalim means a scholar, and 20 years from that day, he had become one!

Aalim was lucky to have a father like Akhdan, but it was now his time to be the Akhdan, the friend, in other children's lives. He was running schools all over Afghanistan, and other war-ravaged places around the world. Aalim had written poetry books for children, with hand-drawn images made by kids themselves. And he would distribute these books to regions of the world, where children had no easy access to schools. He had an organization, The Tattered Shoe, that connected children around the world, across borders and helped them communicate through letters. It was these letters that had opened up a whole new world for him. A world that had taught him many lessons that his little hut would not have been able to.

It was at school that Aalim had reveled at the differences between the kids from across the world: color, language, attire, food. But, it was also here he had realized that all kids yearned for the same things: the confidence to express themselves, the liberty to ask questions, the freedom to dream and the right to be a child, responsibility-free. It was also there that he had sensed the presence of a tattered shoe in the lives of such children. Sometimes, it is a tattered shoe, sometimes a wrecked house, a shattered picture frame or even a broken heart. But, every child hopes that this devastation still leads the way to a happy place where there is freedom of joy and the right to knowledge!

This post is part of the contest A picture can say a thousand words.. on WriteUpCafe.com

How my school made me what I am!

Remember that very special day, the first day of school, that day when you first step out from your house, into an unknown world, a more disciplined world? Though, we do not realize it then, it is one of the most important days of our lives. Some embrace this day with open arms, as a symbol of adventure and fun and then there are others who cringe at the thought of straying away from their parents' protection. What none of us realize then, is the fact that this day defines our existence as a civilized individual. Once you step into school, your life is never the same. Every day is a learning experience, every step a rendezvous with your destiny. And that is why, school to me, is the key to any person's life map. 

A school does not just give you knowledge, but educates you on the wisdom to apply the knowledge appropriately. Every person cherishes their school days the most and looks back with fondness. It is the time of life where you are free as a bird and you are encouraged to explore and embrace life. It has been 10 years, since, I parted ways with my school, but it is a part of me that demarcates every step I venture into the school of life. I grew up with the school and it was equally pleasurable to see the school grow with us, getting new classrooms, winning national accolades, and basically making us proud to be part of this great institution. It has been 25 years, this wonderful school came into existence, and I couldn't be happier to know that it is growing leaps and bounds. Even though, I can't be a part of the festivities,  I can at least share my happiness with many of my fellow school mates, who feel the same way. So, just recounting a few reasons why my school's Foundation Day means so much and why I want to celebrate the existence of this establishment.

1. Entered a child, exited an individual

When you start school, you are already a little person, with traits that define you, but it is the school, the teachers, the principal, the help, who carve who you could be. They have the capacity to encourage the good, and eliminate the bad. If you think of it, unless you got stars for being neat, or got sent to the corner for being dishonest, how would you even know what was right and wrong. Small gestures that changed our lives took birth in school. Not that parents don't teach the same, but there is something about teachers, and getting either appreciated or reprimanded in public that had a larger effect. The qualities that you pick up over the years, makes you the person you are. So, if I get a good employee evaluation and it says, "Meticulous, sincere and honest", I have my school to thank for it.

2. Home away from home

An extension of the previous point, school is where you spend most of the time of your formative years. If  there is a place children are as comfortable as being home, it is only school. The sense of routine, of seeing the same faces everyday, of being greeted by the same cheerful teacher, is what gives a sense of family to your experience at school. How many of you remember standing up for your classmates in a squabble with children from another grade? I do, not only the standing up part, but also feeling proud for being able to help out your class. And like family, you also gradually learn that you don't always have to be extremely fond of everyone in the family, but just staying connected, being civil and being there for each other is enough. This is the place where I learnt the basics of social living.

3. Found a career

Although a school gives you much more than just formal education, it does eventually direct you to your career goal in life. In the 12 years that I was at this wonderful school, I changed my aspirations many times, but it is the right kind of exposure and open discussions with teachers that helped me realize what I was passionate about. Hosting radio talk shows, book reports, debates, elocution, poetry writing contests, one creative venture at a time, pointed me towards the most satisfying experience of being able to write, and  to freelance for magazines and dailies. It was also the same school that taught me that I need not follow the norms and just pick one profession. My Biology teacher was encouraging me to pursue a career using one of my favorite subjects, and she was the one to make me realize that I could balance both my loves at the same time. Securing highest marks in both of my favorites, just made it more clear; I did not have to give up one for the other, but just take the best of both. So, today if I am able to claim that I am a Microbiologist and can  write technical articles with credibility, it is because my teachers knew what was right for me and pushed me to challenge myself.

4. Love for sports

I can only thank my school for having a great Physical Education program. As much as studying was important, there wasn't a lack of physical activities to keep us up and running. I still feel that there are many more options for the students now, but we were still given the best possible, at that time. The reason I can claim to be active today, is only because early on in life, I was introduced to the pleasures derived from the adrenalin rush, only playing a sport can bring, Today, I know that the adrenalin releases endorphins which gives you a sense of pleasure, but back then it was just a part of school curriculum. And I am thankful to all my physical education instructors to not only have taught me how great it feels to enjoy the sun and put your limbs to good use, but also for the great lessons in team work, leadership skills, sportsmanship spirit and mutual respect. I can't say I am really good at one particular sport, but those lessons push me to set out on new adventures in the form of camping, hiking, horse-back riding, scuba diving and many more.

5. Well-rounded personality 

As goes with sports, the 'trying my hand' at different art forms like drama, dance, music, arts and craft, has opened my life to fulfilling experiences. The reason Greeks valued the Arts so much was because they thought it made for a well-rested, more satisfied and healthy clan. Arts as an expression of the mind and soul has really been my reprieve on a lot of occasions and the reason for me being able to state that I am a well-rounded personality, on my personal statements. Finding solace in books and making wonderful friends with the characters is also thanks to the wonderful library system of our school. Science fairs, study tours and other interactive ways to embrace knowledge has helped me be a better teacher, today too.

6. Friends for life

Something I am eternally thankful to our school is for the opportunity to forge wonderful friendships. The home away from home, that school is, life's closest confidantes are found here. There was never a more exciting time than to embark on new beginnings and to simply grow up, with friends who had so much to share. You not only shared your triumphs and downfalls, you shared those wonderful moments of life that are cherished forever. You went on picnics, enjoyed socials and disclosed dreams and aspirations. School is where I found my most loyal, kind and generous supporters, and I can only hope that my friends could say the same about me. And it is again teachers and the school who inculcate the necessity of finding great friends in life, by assigning study partners, making us share our benches and basically teaching us a lesson in having an open mind. It is at this time in life, that friends are the whole and sole of your life, and you never find stronger bonds than the ones created then, and for some like me, you also might find a future life partner in your study partner!

7. Responsible citizen

Establishing community work societies and groups was one of the best things that our school could have done. Though as young children, who think planting a tree is a waste and don't realize the significance; as grown-ups today, we realize it was one of those lessons whose importance you learn later on in life. Leading by example and donating a certain percentage of the salary towards the Kargil Fund, our teachers made an indelible impression and imparted a lesson no book could have taught. It was then that we were encouraged to send letters of appreciation to our soldiers on the front, and to this day, there is no action I feel prouder of. Irrespective of whether it did reach in time or not, there is nothing that makes me feel good about being human and being there for others. Hats off to our educators, to have pushed us to be reliable and dependable citizens, who one day, would give back to the society, by helping one cause or the other.

8. Cultural Values

The soon to become extinct cultural values, though not part of the curriculum was also included in our journey as a student. I remember forming a single file queue and walking to the post office, with hand-made cards for parents on Diwali, Christmas, etc. Till date, I can never forget the value being imbibed in us to be thankful and appreciative of wonderful parents who worked hard to give us life's big and small pleasures. With the same fervor, we would also participate in celebrations for major festivals. It still amazes me as to how tactfully our teachers got us interested in the wonderful fables and tales behind each tradition, and that is something that long after, we still relate to that occasion. And of course, to top it, who could forget the delicious sweet boxes distributed to celebrate such occasions. Relevant or not, in the process of celebrating Diwali, Christmas and Id, we learnt a lot about culture and history and the acceptance of each religion for what it is.

9. Sense of Belonging

To say the least, my school gave me a sense of belonging, and along the years, if there is one thing that I have realized is important for a self-image, is being attached to a group, a clan, an institution, something you can call your own. Being the social animals that we are, it is pleasing to bond with people over a common piece of history, and what better thread than the place that harbored you for the most significant part of life. Being successful doesn't matter as much, if there is no one you can make proud. My school has given me that motivation to do well in life, to make it as proud, as I am of it. 

There are uncountable ways my school affected me, but these are the ones that made me who I am, and as thankful as I am for being a part of this magnificent school, I couldn't be grateful enough to my parents, for making the right choice for me. My school turned 25 this year on July 12th, and I can only wish that wonderful citizens bring back the laurels for this school as alumni and create a place for this institution in the pages of history!

P.S. My thoughts are echoed by the most memorable song School Chale Hum!, that I woke up to everyday, before going to school. And no other movie could explain better the friendships in school than Shala.

A Fallen Petal...

Photo Courtesy: http://costeaandreamihai.blogspot.com/2010/06/lonely-girl.html 

It had been almost 6 months that I had lost my best friend, my confidante, my mentor, the one person with whom I could always be me, with whom I felt most confident and happy. It still did not feel real and all I kept wanting was to go back and get her to be with me. Why had I let her go? How had I not known her importance in my life, when I had her? These questions haunted me day and night. I was not myself without her and no matter how hard I tried to be happy, the tiny pangs of guilt and sorrow kept pinching me.

I was on the verge of falling into the depths of depression, so deep as to never be capable enough to rise out of that. And yet, it did not feel like I was facing depression. Like every other person facing depression, I was not yet ready to accept that I was treading on a path, revival from which was impossible. I thought it was okay to feel sad and numb and motivation-free all the time. Was it not my fault that I had let her essence slip through my fingers? So why shouldn’t I be punished? Maybe this was destiny’s way to get back at me and hand out to me what seemed only fair at that time to me.

I went through all the phases a person faces after going through a loss: denial, retaliation, sorrow and finally acceptance. Very soon I realized that overcoming these phases to be at peace is not as easy as it looks and each person takes a different amount of time to go through each of the phases. The first phase of denial was the most painful one because I was still under an illusion. I kept trying to get her back, trying to find ways to revive her. I truly believed she could make a comeback, and be with me forever. My family and friends were patient at first, and did not stop me, hoping that this would pass soon and might help me come to terms with the reality. But, soon enough they realized how self-destructive my actions were becoming. The paranoia and obsession of bringing her back was taking me far, far away from reality into the land of dangerous hallucinations.

Once my family knocked out my split thought process, I was angry at them for dragging me out of the imaginary world of harmony. I was angry, upset, agitated and disgusted all the time. I had to find someone to blame for my loss, so that I would not feel guilty. And who better than caring friends? In life, all of us deal with rough times in the same way, using our loved ones as punching bags, hoping they would still care about us enough to ignore our foolishness and still want to stay around. In retrospect, I feel lucky to have been blessed with such wonderful people in my life, who never left my side even when I was at my worst and they let me heal at my pace.

Pretty soon, I got tired of being angry and harboring mounds of bitterness within me, and I gradually moved on to being sad and teary-eyed. It was emotionally draining for me and I felt exhausted all the time. I had realized that no amount of anger was going to bring back what I had lost, and it was best to accept the truth. But acceptance doesn’t come so easily, you have to feel the heat of having burnt your hands, taste the salt in your tears, let your throat dry up, witness your skin feeling torn and parched, and hear the sound of your heart breaking every day. When you have hurt yourself as much as you could, pondering over 'what could have been', and you can longer find strength within you to answer the questions, you give up. And you are left with nothing, but to move on to accepting reality.

I hate having to quit and not having answers, and it broke my heart every miniscule moment of my life, not being able to find out, why I had been dealt this unfair hand. I had heard people surrendering to God, and finding answers there, but I couldn’t find words that would soothe me even there. I rapidly, started losing faith in him too. But, I kept thinking what it was that He was hinting at. And I couldn’t help, but wonder, what was it that I was expected to do. Was I supposed to make a path for myself and find a way to make peace?

This was when I tried everything possible to help me find my way, I was not going to quit anytime soon. My friend would have wanted that. She hated seeing me down and out, and fragile. She could not have tolerated to see me paralyzed by destiny and being kicked in the rut. She would have wanted me to stand up for myself, and not be cowardly enough to blame fate. I held her hand, and embarked on a journey to appease her, and redeem myself back. She loved flowers, every single petal, with fragrance and color that she saw around her. I decided I would find our great memories by designing a small, but pretty garden. I signed up for online mentoring programs, where I could be with little kids and help them with homework and projects. This was one of the best ways to feel her presence, since she loved kids and teaching was what brought her the most pleasure. I indulged myself in art and unearthed my dust-covered art supplies to go back to one of the things that we had bonded over and found penultimate pleasure with. She loved travelling and learning new things, so I vowed to explore every nook and cranny around town, that held any ounce of history or diversity. I found myself falling in love with books again and depending on the local library to be my Knight in Shining Armor. I knew it had been on her bucket list to be able to read lots of books. I was hoping through my tryst with books, I would meet her halfway.

My best friend, who was everything to me was my soul, it was ME! 

I lost my job 6 months back! That day, a part of me died; knowing that I couldn’t go back to work for a few more years due to some unavoidable circumstances. I missed my job, I missed my teaching endeavors, I missed my students, I missed having to read through their essays, and grading papers. That piece of me was amiss, and it took me a long time to overcome the huge loss, but in the process, I discovered that there was a lot more to me than just my job. Yes, I was a Teacher, but I also was an artist, a nature-lover, a book fanatic, a blogger and more so, a person to whom their family meant a lot. The past few years have been rough on a lot of us, and there must be many others like me, who lost their jobs, but if you cannot do anything about it, the least you could do is to be fair on yourself and try to rediscover yourself. Although the loss of a family member is harsh, if you lose yourself, there is nothing else in life that matters. You are incapable of appreciating anyone or anything in life, if you feel incomplete. I have vowed that I am not going to let that happen again, and even if I lose one part of myself, I am determined not to let that bring me down because one loss could mean finding many more different facets of my personality.


This post was submitted to the Short Memoir Contest, entitled  "Overcoming Loss" on Biographile.